invisible children..

blog for a cause, people..

guys BIG NEWS! take the time to check it out.

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/news&press/news/detail.php?pID=235739135

invisible children is doing amazing things, as are resolve uganda, and enough!

our voice CAN make a difference.

This blog post is part of Zemanta's "Blogging For a Cause" campaign to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes that bloggers care about.

back to exams..

so i have decided that i just take on too many emotions. and i am too often governed by them.

life just seems hard and stressful with exams right around the corner, the need for money that i don't have, missing a certain someone, battling sin, and just having life remain in dunmurry 24/7. i need an out. i just let frustration and sin pile up and get to a point where i feel like i can't handle it.

i need to remember why i do what i am doing. i have found it hard not to be jealous of paul's experience with invisible children and it has left me feeling useless. i feel like i have nothing to offer or contribute. and although i know that's not true, it is hard to keep that in perspective and think positively. i am so happy for paul, that he gets this amazing experience in london. and i need to remember that God has equipped me for great things and He has me right where i am for a reason. my time to get out of dunmurry will come, but until then.. i am here for a reason. i need an out, yes. but that out needs to come in peace and comfort and trust in Christ. somewhere along the line, that truth has been forgotten.

it is easier to say that than to do it. but last night i decided to stop being so selfish and self-absorbed. there will be less "i"s in future blogs, i hope. life is not about me. or what i get to do. it is about God and working for His glory and pushing through emotions and doing good even if i don't feel like it until that good becomes who i am. so i asked God to help me be less selfish and rude and more wise, understanding, steady, gracious, kind, loving, and respectful of everyone. i do not doubt that God will help me become a woman that just loves God and loves people. and despite the hard time i am having right now, i have complete faith that i will get better. God will help me and i will make it through these exmas. God will provide. and God will use me right where i am, no matter where that may be.

just need to trust in God. He will deliver and love and provide. i know it.

by the way,,

therescue.invisiblechildren.com

PLEASE COME TO THE RESCUE!!

wherever you are, there is one near you. check it out.

it is worth one day of your life.. or at least 5 minutes of your time to look into it. (:

here we go again..

easter break is over. back to classes. back to assignments. then exams. blah.

last week was really great. but this past week i have been back into it all. did an assignment and now i have to get cracking on two more. classes start up for me on tuesday and i am just reeeeeally not looking forward to it. for some reason this degree has taken a tole on how i feel about myself. about life. about everything.

just praying that i will keep the joy that i got back last week and keep going strong. i don't want to go back to the way i felt before that moment on the beach. i want to keep growing and keep learning and keep loving God..

i will not give up though. i will keep striving for what is good.

progress..

so i have come to the realization that progress is good. i know that sounds really stupid.. but i just think it's a profound thing for me. for the past year and a half or so i have really been struggling to make progress. i have been stuck in a rut and hating it. i mean life has been going forward and there are several aspects of my life that i love.. but the most important aspect? my spiritual life.. that part of life that should hold every part of my life together has just been shoved to the side. but this past week has changed all of that.
i think i finally just broke down because i have been so tired. tired of struggling to love God in a real way.. struggling financially.. all of it. i am just tired. but there was a moment on the portstewart strand where i decided to forget about all of that, if even just for a couple of minutes. and as i sat in the sand, looking up at the clouds stretching across the sky.. i remembered. i remembered that GOD... GOD loves me. not just some guy... GOD. and for some reason.. well i know why (it's GOD!).. that is enough. it became enough again. with the sun peeking it's rays through the clouds i felt real joy again.
the next day i was walking home from the train station and i saw my first blowy dandy of the year. such joy came rushing back into my heart.. into my soul. i know it seems silly that a weed would help me feel joy inexpressible and to fall in love with God all over again.. but God used it and i feel so much better. some real damage has been done to my heart over this past year but i am making progress.. which is good.
i am not who i need to be but God is helping me with that and i am so thankful. my wonderful boyfriend, Paul, told me about this devotional type thing from a that has proved to be so helpful in the progress i am making with God. it is called examan, http://www.marshill.org/pdf/sp/PrayerOfExamenLong.pdf
you should check it out!! take the time to make progress.. no matter how far you feel from God, know that He is here. and He loves you.
and let that be enough.

so..

i haven't been on here in a really long time. sorry about that.

but i think you should know that i got a job in dunmurry! God answered that prayer and for that i am so thankful!

other than that.. life has been.. ok.

it's been a struggle to be honest. just trying to keep moving forward. there are aspects of my life that are amazing but there are also aspects that make me feel a real sense of despair. why can't i just stay on the right path? at times i feel so far from God.. this past couple of years i have just been a reed blowing in the wind and i can't seem to stay up..

but one of my best friends reminded me that God doesn't think of me any differently because of it. He still loves me just as much as He did before i was struggling.. and will continue to love me that much forever. that is a blessing. a God that doesn't let go or give up on His child just because they haven't been doing very well.. His love is not conditional and that is what we need.

so take heart. no matter your struggle, He knows the way you take. He knows you and loves you just the same. what big love.

what big love.

credit crunch..

boo to the credit crunch, i say!

i don't have many hours at my job at avoca.. they needed to stop giving hours to part-timers. in fact, i have 4 hours today, and i work monday but after that i got nothin.

so i went job hunting today in dunmurry and NO ONE is hiring. so sad.

pray that God will provide. i have no money. and no real promise of work.

so please pray that God will provide for me. and maybe even get me a job in dunmurry. (: thanks.