progress..

so i have come to the realization that progress is good. i know that sounds really stupid.. but i just think it's a profound thing for me. for the past year and a half or so i have really been struggling to make progress. i have been stuck in a rut and hating it. i mean life has been going forward and there are several aspects of my life that i love.. but the most important aspect? my spiritual life.. that part of life that should hold every part of my life together has just been shoved to the side. but this past week has changed all of that.
i think i finally just broke down because i have been so tired. tired of struggling to love God in a real way.. struggling financially.. all of it. i am just tired. but there was a moment on the portstewart strand where i decided to forget about all of that, if even just for a couple of minutes. and as i sat in the sand, looking up at the clouds stretching across the sky.. i remembered. i remembered that GOD... GOD loves me. not just some guy... GOD. and for some reason.. well i know why (it's GOD!).. that is enough. it became enough again. with the sun peeking it's rays through the clouds i felt real joy again.
the next day i was walking home from the train station and i saw my first blowy dandy of the year. such joy came rushing back into my heart.. into my soul. i know it seems silly that a weed would help me feel joy inexpressible and to fall in love with God all over again.. but God used it and i feel so much better. some real damage has been done to my heart over this past year but i am making progress.. which is good.
i am not who i need to be but God is helping me with that and i am so thankful. my wonderful boyfriend, Paul, told me about this devotional type thing from a that has proved to be so helpful in the progress i am making with God. it is called examan, http://www.marshill.org/pdf/sp/PrayerOfExamenLong.pdf
you should check it out!! take the time to make progress.. no matter how far you feel from God, know that He is here. and He loves you.
and let that be enough.